I think I am morally bankrupt
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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