So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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