Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
