just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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