Can Purell be used as lube?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
