He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
