I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
