its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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