Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
organizing the empties. That sober.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
