You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
