see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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