you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
