I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry about my life...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
