So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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