They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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