I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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