You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
