You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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