I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
