i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
