it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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