bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
