Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
