I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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