At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Randomize
