Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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