if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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