weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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