Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
