I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
