dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
