the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize