your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
