these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
