If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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