ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize