dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
