Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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