There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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