Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
