dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
