you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
