Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
