my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
