I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
