Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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