I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
