All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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