Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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