I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
