It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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