covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
