i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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