it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
