Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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