the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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