We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
