there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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