I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this boner is exhausting
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
