May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize