is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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