just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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