i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
