hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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