so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
