some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
