my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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