She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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