you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
