so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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