I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
