ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
