I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
