I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
