All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
