it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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