It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
