Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's like heaven, but drunker
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Come on in and take your pants off
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