I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
