Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
