She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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