I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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