This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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