mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
