oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is Oprah even human
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
