I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
