just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
