you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
