I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
