Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
