my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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