Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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