I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Even my vagina gasped.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
