i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
