i need an iv and a liver transplant
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
