I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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