if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize