Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
