K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
