She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
