you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
