it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize