i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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